A budgie called Hitler

My hubby and I were out a few weeks ago,and we stopped in to a pet store, where we looked at the budgies. I have always loved having birds, and decided that I would love to get a green one, and call it Hitler! I just laugh and laugh and laugh every time I think about it... a budgie called Hitler!!!!! Anyway, maybe you had to be there... until next time...

I don't think we can be friends anymore...

To the one I love...
I don't think we can be friends anymore. The love that we once shared is gone, the feelings I once had for you have been trampled on, and the life I hoped to share with you has been manipulated beyond recognition. You ask 'what can I do to make you feel better?' And the answer is - nothing - you have contributed enough to the way things are, thankyou anyway. Now I don't even know if I am going to get better. Do you think you could get better after being hurt like this? What do I need to do to show you how much it hurts? What made it ok to do such a thing? Maybe it is better for you too, if we aren't friends anymore, but maybe it is just me. Whatever happens, I want you to know that it is your fault, and whatever excuses you can come up with would never warrant your behaviour. And so, here ends our friendship. I wish you all the best with your life, and until I build up the courage to tell you this, I will say 'I love you' when you ask, but it will never mean the same thing to me as it did before. Don't question my tears or my answers, for you don't know what is going through my head or my heart, and please don't ask me what I am thinking or why I am crying, because chances are - I don't know either.
Until next time...

What kind of an idiot do you take me for?????

I get pretty sick of being lied too. What kind of an idiot do you think I am? When you get a message after midnight, and you tell me that there was nothing there - it must have been a reminder for band practice - that you had the week before - at 7.30pm... don't insult me! Not only do you presume that I am an idiot, you leave it up to your friends for me to find out what you are doing and where you have been. GGGRRRRRR!!!!!!!! I feel so small, and you have no idea
Until next time...

Fading memories

It is really hard to get over things that hurt. Especially when you are reminded of it all the time – the music, the faces, the memories…
I just want it all to go away.
I wonder how long it takes for the memories to fade? That sounds like a song doesn't it? Good memories seem to fade so quickly, but the bad ones hang around. Why is that? It must just be another 'sucky' part of life. And damn does it suck!!! Oh well, it is time to cook dinner.
Until next time…

Pain killers for the heart

I wonder what can be taken to cure heart pain? Panadol can help bodily pain, but what about the pain you feel in your heart? Is it terminal? The old saying is that time can heal all wounds, but how long is it going to take?
It is amazing how when you don't feel 100%, it effects everything else!

It is nice to feel needed. Maybe it is because things are different between my hubby and I now, or maybe it has always been this way, but whatever the reason, I just feel like a chef/ cleaner. I just want to feel needed by someone over the age of 5! There is something about being needed that nothing can replace - meaning something to someone, and being a part of someone's life in such a way that you would never picture it or have it any other way...

We played at the Sea and Vines Festival on the weekend. It was wonderful! I was exhausted by the end of the weekend but it was a bit of a buzz. It is a pretty big festival, so it is good to be able to say "I have played at the Sea and Vines Festival".

A quote

Albert Schweitzer:
There are two means of refuge from the miseries of life: music and cats


I love this quote... it is so true. I have to say though, kids are also a refuge from misery - sometimes! I guess it all depends on what is causing you misery!

Today was pretty good, mum is on holidays and wants to do all my washing and cleaning so I can spend time with the baby, but she comes over and I just 'make' her spend time with her new grandaughter while I wash the clothes.

Well, back to life...
Until next time...

Washing - my heart cries out for you

Today we bought a new washing machine - we got a really good deal and brought it home straight away. It is doing a load right now, but you couldn't tell because it is so quiet!
We are playing at the Sea and Vines Festival tomorrow and Monday. I am pretty excited! I got a few new tops to wear and some new pants... it is a pity it won't help with the whole 'me' thing! It is exciting getting new clothes, but it doesn't really help me look any better!
My hubby got a new hair do today - it is really funny because as much as I unfortunately think it makes him look about 14 years old, it is exactly how I thought he would get it cut!
Lately I just feel so unappreciated. I know that I shouldn't expect too much from my 5 year old and my 3 week old baby, but from others, I just feel like a big piece of nothing. I hate feeling that within my marriage, my partner knows nothing about me, and I know nothing about him! What do you do if you have nothing in common with your partner? I think that sex is really the only thing we have in common! That is pretty sad isn't it?! Everything that is fun for him, happens away from home, and with people other than me... the flying of planes, watching movies and tv shows, sailing, and anything else you can think of - sometimes he even goes out to do nothing! Sometimes I think, 'at least he still comes home for dinner', but when he does, he still complains about what I make! I can't win! Today, when I was crying and trying to tell him how unloved I felt, he 'jokingly' said that he doesn't spend time with me because I am boring! I just cried my little eyes out! I am boring! and that is why he goes out all the time! AAAHHHH What to do? What to do? I just cry...
I find it so hard to explain to him what it is that I feel... I can't even explain it to myself! I hate being left alone at night, but when he is here, I don't want to stay up until 2.30 in the morning watching some crap on TV! He doesn't realise that I am pretty tired in the evenings... I don't have the stamina of a 12 year old anymore! What is it that he wants from me??? I don't want to be the mother of his kids who is a guaranteed baby sitter for whenever he wants to go out. :(
Until next time...

Today was lovely

Today I window-shopped,
I visited my sister - in - law at work, and
went to my gym class.

But the most exciting part of the day was watching my beautiful 5 year old daughter in her dance class. What talent!
It is so adorable watching a bunch of preps run around a room to Irish music clutching short sticks with ribbons stuck to the end... trying not to poke each other in the eye.
'Step, touch, step, touch' never seemed so difficult!
Oh well, you have to start somewhere don't you?
Until next time...

Just a quick one...

It has been so long since it happened, but still I am so hurt. I hear songs on the radio and it makes me cry. I look at you and I want to both kill you, AND I want you to tell me that you love me and will do forever. I can't think about the other person without getting so angry that I want to hurt myself. And it has been nearly two months now.
When will the pain end?
Sometimes I wish you would read this and start to know how I feel.
Until next time...

Never pretend to a love which you do not actually feel, for love is not ours to command.

I feel like I have been thinking about love for so long now... but I guess it is just one of those things that you can't 'not think' about.
I found the above quote on a webpage and thought it was very true - I do not think that you can or should pretend to love someone/ something that you do not truly love, because it can hurt people. I don't think that love is, or ever has been, something that a person can control. One cannot decide to love someone else - love decides itself.
On the other hand, love does sometimes fade, and sometimes, it is not love that we actually feel, it is something else... like admiration or sometimes even gratitude.
Why is love so confusing? And why does love fade? Is it because it was not really love to begin with? Or were we not working hard enough?
Love sucks, don't you think?
Until next time...

when you love someone and it goes to waste...

the feelings have gone numb
and you wonder why
why did it happen?
what have i done?

But then I think
that it wasn't me
it was all you -
you were the missing link

And now you are different
and you changed so quickly
it is too hard to catch up
was it love that you meant?

Why now,
do things have to go wrong
when i thought things were fine?
now I don't know what to think...
about your heart, or mine