my time

Wednesday, February 22, 2006

The monster in me

Sometimes I wonder why things are the way they are, and when times are frustrating and painful, I wonder where the button is to pause life so that you can fix things. Today is the fifth day in a row that I have felt like dying… too many things to think about and too many decisions to make, and too many feelings of loneliness as I try to figure things out so that everyone is happy. Sometimes I wish that I could be selfish and say, ‘the floors and the dishes can wait today, I am going out’. But then I wonder who it is that makes me stay and do the dishes? It is me. No-one ever comes home and complains when there are a few dishes on the sink. It is just me. So, how do you beat the monster with such high expectations that lives inside you? And why is it so hard to please the one person who should understand? I should understand me, at least.
Until next time...

Friday, February 10, 2006

Tonight, tonight

Tonight, tonight… (a title from the famous voice that I love to hear... William Patrick Corgan)

It is nice to sit here with you,
And listen to you play,
I missed your voice
And your presence today

I love the time we spend together
At night and in the day,
Why can’t it be
That way forever?

I think I need some Zwan tonight
Until next time...

Tuesday, February 07, 2006

A Romantic Fairytale

I read this the other day, and thought it was beautiful. It is true that in love, people may not 'love' you the way you want them too, but they love you with all they have...

My husband was an engineer. Since I met him, he was always an unflappable rock in my life. I knew he always had his feet firmly planted on the ground, and it seemed that no matter what else went crazy, he would be the one constant.
Three years of romance, and two years of marriage later, I got tired. He was the most unromantic man I know. He never bought me flowers, he never surprised me, and nothing changed in our marriage.
After some time, I finally found the courage to tell him that I wanted to leave him. He just sat there, speechless. My heart froze... what kind of man was I married to that didn't even know what to say to make me stay?
After a while, he spoke, "What can I do to change your mind?". "I will stay if you can give me a good answer to this question," I replied coldly.
"If I asked for a flower that grew on a cliff, and you knew that getting it for me means certain death, would you get it for me?". His face grew troubled.
"Can I give you an answer tomorrow morning?" he asked. Hearing that kind of answer, my heart died. I knew that I could never be happy with a man who couldn't even give me a answer straight away.
The next morning, when I woke up, he was missing. In the living room,under a warm glass of milk, was a note. My eyes grew misty as I readit...
"Dear, I have my answer. I will never pick the flower for you if it meant certain death. But before you leave, I hope you can give me a chance to give you my reasons....
You will always sit in front of the computer and type about for the whole day, but everytime you will end up in tears cause your formating will always go all over the place...
I need my fingers, to do the formating for you, so your tears will become smiles.You like to travel, but would always get lost...
I need my eyes, so that I can bring you to the nicest places on earth. Everytime you leave the house, you would always forget your keys...
I need my legs, so that I can run home to open the door for you. You never knew how to take care of yourself...
I need my hands to help you get rid of the pesky white hair you hate so much when you grow old, to trim your nails, to feed you. So you see, that's why I can't pick the flower for you. Until I find someone who loves you more than I do, I will need my body to take care of you.
If you accept my reasons, then open the door, where I will be waiting with your favourite muffin."
With tears streaming from my eyes, I opened the door, and there he stood, with a extremely worried look on his face. He still had nothing to say, but just stood there waving the packet he had in his hand in front of me. And then I knew for a fact that I will never find another manwho will ever love me as much as he does.
Just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to doesn'tmean that they don't love you with all they have...

Monday, February 06, 2006

What do housewives do all day????


This week is the second week of school for our 5 year old daughter. I know that she has a wonderful day (with the exception of lunch time, when she has a bit of a cry as she goes back into the classroom). I still wish that she was four, and I could pick her up from Kindy, and bring her home for lunch. But, she is there with her friends, under the watchful eye of my caring brother who is in year seven this year. So I am sure she is fine.

The photo that I attached is of my 'replacement' baby (my 9am - 3.30 baby) - our kitten Charlotte...

And so, with all this time that I have between nine and three-thirty, what I will do today? I have so much free time on my hands – the dishes are done, the floors are clean, there is no more washing to fold… what do housewives do all day? I think I need a job! Maybe I will polish my resume…
Until next time…